Spring Has Come
On Wednesday, I walked up a mountain. On the way down, it looked like this:
It’s All Greek To Me
On Sunday, we’re going to Greece - to the island of Kalymnos - for 3 weeks and basically, every sign I look at will be, literally, Greek to me. J has prepared to bring spices to cook with, I’ve sewn up the mosquito net, and I’ve mostly packed my things except climbing gear (J has not; I assume he will be packing on Saturday, I hope, so we don’t have to freak out Sunday at 4:00 in the morning).
Yesterday was a May 1st holiday, so people were off work and J and I went with a very skilled, nice group of friends to rock climb. These are my favorite people to climb with, as I learn something from everybody. One of them is a fountain of knowledge - he seems to me to know every handhold on every route in the entire country. The climbing was great, even if it was a little rainy. However, the cold days are mostly over, as I was sweating buckets wearing my thermal tights and four layers of clothes. Spring has come, everything is green and lush and the pollen chunks are flying everywhere outside. If I eat outside, they land in my food. This time of year is wonderful, hopeful.
What was really cool yesterday was that I got had a small chat with one of the guys, who told me that he was/is afraid of heights. He was wearing a shirt that said "Afraid of heights" in dialect from Salzburg. He told me that his first climbing experience was on a 10 meter route, and at 5 meters up he was scared for his life. I totally empathized, because I remember how my first routes totally sucked because I was so scared, so inexperienced. Now, months (and years) later, the fear goes into the back corner (it never totally goes away, but fear does get controllable) and the love of climbing takes over. Most times now, I’m not even thinking about being high up. In the best times, I feel like I’ve found a rhythm and I’m dancing on the rock up there.
I’m not sure if there’s any internet connection where we’re staying, so this might be my last post for 3 weeks. But I’m sure when I come back I’ll have plenty to write about and show!
Things to do on Monday
1. Sleep in. Till 10:00. Realize that more than 50% of my body hurts.
2. Take the longest bath possible.
3. Laundry? Ok, must do laundry, I’m running out of underwear.
4. Spend time emailing, internet surfing, contacting friends, photograph editing (if any), writing, and Google-chatting.
5. Buy food that I know he won’t eat. Buy food I think he will eat, but also that I’ll eat if he doesn’t. Try to cook something to last the week.
6. Dishwashing? Eh, maybe later.
7. Try to read a book in Deutsch until headache becomes too painful, then switch to two hours of English books.
8. Huh, where did all this dirt in the hallway come from? Let’s sweep that into a pile so that I can vacuum it all up when the pile gets big enough… on Friday.
9. If body is less than 50% pain, and if it is not raining and/or cold outside, then going out is necessary.
10. Sleep at midnight. Or whenever CSI ends.
Looking Forward to May
1. Yesterday, I finally climbed on lead-rope on one of the routes in an area I visited last year. J helped make the process less scary by adding extra clipping points, kind of like adding training wheels to a bicycle. I didn’t finish the route, as I got really tired, and then got scared because I was tired, but I made it past halfway point. But I finally felt like this is what the past 2-3 months of hard work was for. Climbing lead rope made it all so real, and really made me feel like I was THERE, doing some actual CLIMBING, instead of just fucking around. This feeling is addictive - the combination of fear, adrenaline, purpose, clarity, ability. The sun was out, and being able to lead (as well as not making too much of a mess out of the routes I top-roped) made a very happy end to what was an uncomfortable day.
2. On Sunday, J and I fly to the Greek island of Kalymnos. According to J, it’s an international climbing area. J bought some "cheap" tickets last minute (not cheap for me, but my boyfriend bought my ticket for me, he is the BEST), so we have one week to prepare/pack. We’re going to be there for three weeks, until May 25, with two male climbing friends that J knows from the gym. This will be my first time in Greece.
So what to do with this week to prepare? I think I’ll eat a lot, let my muscles/skin/bruises/knees/toes heal, do some light climbing, and go there fresh. (I think I sprained my right toe some time in the past three weeks. It won’t bend all the way down, and it hurts all the time.) Right now my fingers are ripped up and sore from yesterday, from finger-tips to palms, so I should let my body heal a little before I go on a three-week climbing binge.
3. After Friday, I’m not sure if I can post anything. It depends if I find an internet cafe anywhere near where we’re staying. And on Thursday, J has the day off and I’m anxious to back on the rock again (the bad thing about rock climbing is that if you don’t know how to self-belay, you have to get a climbing partner to go with you), this time on lead rope as much as on top rope!
Behavior & Consequences
Bullying…
is a form of abuse… What bullies fear most is exposure of their inadequacy and being called publicly to account for their behavior and its consequences. This makes sense when you remember that the purpose of bullying is to hide inadequacy, and people who bully to hide their inadequacy are often incompetent.A bully is a person who
- has never learnt to accept responsibility for their behavior
- wants to enjoy the benefits of living in the adult world, but who is unable and unwilling to accept the responsibilities that are a prerequisite for being part of the adult world.
- abdicates and denies responsibility for their behavior and its consequences (abdication and denial are common features of bullying)
- is unable and unwilling to recognize the effect of their behavior on others
- does not want to know of any other way of behaving
- is unwilling to recognize that there could be better ways of behaving.
What is bullying?
- constant nit-picking, fault-finding and criticism of a trivial nature - the triviality, regularity and frequency betray bullying; often there is a grain of truth (but only a grain) in the criticism to fool you into believing the criticism has validity, which it does not; often, the criticism is based on distortion, misrepresentation or fabrication
- simultaneous with the criticism, a constant refusal to acknowledge you and your contributions and achievements or to recognize your existence and value
- constant attempts to undermine you and your position, status, worth, value and potential
- where you are in a group, being singled out and treated differently
- being isolated and separated, marginalized, overruled, ignored, sidelined, frozen out,
- being belittled, demeaned and patronized, especially in front of others
- being humiliated, shouted at and threatened, often in front of others
What does bullying do to my health?
Bullying causes injury to health and makes you ill.
- constant high levels of stress and anxiety
- frequent illness such as viral infections especially flu and glandular fever, colds, coughs, chest, ear, nose and throat infections (stress plays havoc with your immune system)
- aches and pains in the joints and muscles with no obvious cause; also back pain with no obvious cause and which won’t go away or respond to treatment
- headaches and migraines
- tiredness, exhaustion, constant fatigue
- sleeplessness, nightmares, waking early, waking up more tired than when you went to bed
- flashbacks and replays, obsessiveness, can’t get the bullying out of your mind
- irritable bowel syndrome
- skin problems such as eczema, psoriasis, athlete’s foot, ulcers
- poor concentration, can’t concentrate on anything for long
- bad or intermittently-functioning memory, forgetfulness, especially with trivial day-to-day things
- sweating, trembling, shaking, palpitations, panic attacks
- tearfulness, bursting into tears regularly and over trivial things
- uncharacteristic irritability and angry outbursts
- being constantly on edge
1) How do bullies select their targets?
The bully selects their target using the following criteria:
- you just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time
- being good at your job, often excelling
- being popular with people (colleagues, customers, clients, pupils, parents, patients, etc)
- more than anything else, the bully fears exposure of his/her inadequacy and incompetence; your presence, popularity and competence unknowingly and unwittingly fuel that fear
- having a well-defined set of values which you are unwilling to compromise
- having a strong sense of integrity (bullies despise integrity, for they have none, and seem compelled to destroy anyone who has integrity)
- having at least one vulnerability that can be exploited
- showing independence of thought or deed
Jealousy (of relationships and perceived exclusion therefrom) and envy (of talents, abilities, circumstances or possessions) are strong motivators of bullying.
2) Events that trigger bullying
Bullying starts after one of these events:
- the previous target leaves
- there’s a reorganization
- a new manager is appointed
- you may have unwittingly become the focus of attention whereas before the bully was the centre of attention (this often occurs with female bullies) - most bullies are emotionally immature and thus crave attention
Bullying is rarely a single incident and tends to be an accumulation of many small incidents, each of which, when taken in isolation and out of context, seems trivial.
The person being bullied may not realize they are being bullied for weeks or months - until there’s a moment of enlightenment.
Few people recognize bullying.
The bully is driven by envy (of abilities) and jealousy (of relationships).
The bully is inadequate in all areas of social and behavioral skills.
What do to
Keep a log (journal, diary) of everything - it’s not each incident that counts, it’s the number, regularity and especially the patterns that reveal bullying. With most forms of mystery, deception, etc it’s the patterns that are important. The bully can explain individual incidents but cannot explain away the pattern. It’s the pattern which reveals intent.
Ask the bully to substantiate their criticisms and allegations … by providing substantive and quantifiable evidence.
Consider leaving - regard it as a positive decision in the face of overwhelming odds which are not of your choosing, not of you making, and over which you have no control.
–from bullyoffline.org
One Thing to do During Sunset
I’ve asked him to teach me how to fly.
The Emperor of Ocean Park
Since I wasn’t feeling quite well the past day and a half, I buried myself in one of my favorite sit-on-my-arse activities ever: reading a book.
Reading a book for me is like watching a movie, except that I am not bound by the laws of Hollywood, of the politics behind media, of someone else’s imagination, of advertisements, of questioning whether the shows on television I’m watching is actually the truth. In books, the words are printed and not temporary - if I doubt a book, I can compare. With a TV show, I forget by the end of it. (And I also think TV rots the brain, unless you are trying to learn a new language through it!)
My reading speed is 650 pages in about 10 hours, when I’m really into the book or when I really want to know about a particular subject. This drops down to 25 pages per hour if I have to read something like Heidegger translated into English (I did this for philosophy class, and boy, was it a headache!) However, this speed sucks for books that are short but very good: I don’t want it to end, but I read too fast and the pleasure is over too soon. My method of fighting myself is to read 5 or 6 short books at once, so I can jump from one pleasure to the other and enjoy them all longer. Which is why I’ll have one or two large, thick books but many, many small thin ones.
So yesterday I spent a pleasurable afternoon avoiding the thunderstorm and rain by getting seriously caught up in a delightful book called The Emperor of Ocean Park by Stephen L. Carter. First, I love how it’s written:
I have always thought that the far left and the far right need each other, desperately, for if either one were to vanish the other would lose its reason to exist, a conviction that has freshened in me from year to year, as each grows ever more vehement in its search for somebody to hate. –p. 38
Love is an activity, not a feeling - didn’t one of the great theologians say that? … I do not remember who coined the phrase, but I am beginning to understand what it means. True love is not the helpless desire to possess the cherished object of one’s fervent affection; true love is the disciplined generosity we require of ourselves for the sake of another when we would rather be selfish… p. 215
Second, it’s a mystery novel, which pulled me along at the right pace, giving out small pieces of information at a time until I realized that I was almost done with the book. There was no big, earth-shattering climax, however, but the ending I thought fit with the character and reading the whole thing did not feel that it was written in a hurry. The book took its time. In addition, some parts of the book are just really funny, in a subtle, sarcastic, dark way.
I’d spend more time on this, but then I’d give away too much, and now I have to go catch a train to the city.
Peaceful Weekend
If I could say one word about this weekend, it was peaceful and warm. I’ve had too much of stressful, miserable, and cold weekends so this one was like a cold beer on a hot day: refreshing, nice, chilled out.
Some days J gets a chance to get off work early, so on those days I drive to meet him somewhere for some climbing. So far he’s been timing it so that he’s off early on really nice days - when everything goes right, it feels like two days have been lived inside of one, as the sun is now setting around 19:30 (7:30 PM). On Thursdays and Fridays these past two weeks, we’ve been catching some nice sunsets outside.
Saturday morning there was sunshine so we had a leisurely, nice breakfast outside. Since Saturday’s forecast seemed to promise clouds and rain later (although it was warm), J spent that whole day fixing anything that needed it: kitchen cabinet handle, water heater (we had cold water for one day and J had to go to his mom’s house for a hot bath), motorcycle, and J’s family’s hut’s foundation. It was a day like a marriage, where the man went around fixing things and the woman bought food and cooked… except at the end I did a little bit of digging and shoveling. And then we went home and slept. And slept.
Sunday J woke up at the ridiculous time of 7:20; it must be all the sleep he got. So he started the day with some paragliding, and I was to meet him across town at his mother’s house where he planned to land. Well, his mom wasn’t home so I took a sunny nap on a bench outside, and of course in this small town all the neighbors (especially if they’re old and retired) look outside all the time to spy on each other. So of course this little old (and nice) lady comes outside to ask if I’m alright, in small-town dialect Deutsch. I understand about 5% of it but understand what she’s asking so I tell her I’m fine and waiting for a friend of mine. It’s nice of her, but I did not know I was being spied on. Maybe all that talking I heard while I was napping was this woman discussing with her equally old husband if she should call the ambulance for me.
(J’s wind ribbon: west wind blowing, which has usually meant cold weather)
After breakfast at J’s mom’s place, the both of us slowly headed out for some climbing. Wow, what a sunny, relaxing day! It was unfortunate that all of J’s fun-loving friends were busy, sick, or on holiday as I know some of them would have been loving it at this particular climbing area. So J and I went alone and it was also nice to chill out together, plus there were two pretty good climbers already at the area so J got to be able to talk to them about harder climbing.
Anyway, this place was gorgeous when the sun chose to shine on us; and the biggest thing I did Sunday was to make it to the top of a really hard route (for me) three times. I cheated every time because I was too weak to depend on my body the entire time, which frustrates me. Yet, I’m not discouraged because this is not the easiest route on earth for someone who’s been climbing practicing almost four months. In general, I’m satisfied with my progress in this sport; despite someone trying to make me feel bad about being a beginner, now I find myself being able to do things I was not able to do one month ago. In many ways, this sport has given me strength, and I’ve also come to love the sport for itself (as in, if I were not with J, I would still climb - which means, my love of climbing is not dependent on J).
As for this route on Sunday, my opinion is that it is a bit too hard for me to take control of this year, but two grades below would be perfect for me to spend the summer and autumn getting mastery over. But this one route - I’m starting to like it because it forces me to squeeze out body technique. It forces me to think about foot placement and to move my body so that I can use the handholds to maximum affect. On this route, some handholds are complete shit to hold onto when my body is balanced in the middle; I’ve found on my three tries that for these handholds to feel good, they require me to balance my body towards the left or the right, which require my foot placement to be good. Instead of using arm strength, I must use footwork and body balance.
And another big thing was to find NO ticks on me.
Because in the last week, I’ve found three ticks on me from going out to anywhere that has grass. Since it’s been raining, there’s been more grass than in winter; and even though I’m wearing long pants, high socks, etc., I’ve still found ticks. I admit, one of those times I did drop my pants to due to "too much coffee", but the other two times are unaccounted for. Hopefully before I get too many tick bites, I can get my hands on a vaccine for whatever sicknesses they could carry. I’m not that worried, because if ticks are everywhere here biting all these big, juicy Austrians, these people certainly aren’t freaking out about tick diseases too much. But then again, maybe most country Austrians don’t freak out about too many nature things, and that it’s an American thing to lose your shit over going out in nature and having something happen.
J ended a blissful Sunday with another paragliding outing; again, we went to bed early - this weekend was full of activity yet we were always too tired for late-nights at the bar. We’re getting old, except that on Sunday, the old people stayed at the brewery longer than we young people did.
And again on today I am suffering from a few days’-in-a-row of accumulated muscle pain (today my entire back is hurting, including my lats), not to mention I feel like I’m coming down with a cold. Already, two people I know are sick, so today I want to stop this feeling before it gets worse. How? I have no clue… besides drinking a lot, saving energy, getting some sun, and resting.
A crane is coming to move J’s hut this week, or at least before May. May holiday plans are gearing for cheaper Sardegna (since me and J’s friend P have little money), and is a place not even J has been to. However, after we go to Sardegna there is no reason not to go to Greece later in the year, once some of us have saved up enough money, maybe through a job. There’s a climbing magazine party on Thursday night that J and I want to attend; my hopes are to 1) have a lot of fun and 2) talk to some new, nice people and 3) if my friend S comes, to catch up with her. And life has finally gotten into a nice rhythm.
Relational Aggression?
According to traditional definitions, we ascribe the word bully to anyone who uses a position of relative power to direct negative intent against another person. Relative power can take the form of physical, financial, social and other circumstantial advantages.
Once a potential victim exhibits social constraint, or responsibility, the bully knows he or she can safely maneuver the situation to the very brink of disgrace. Counting on the integrity of the victim’s constraints to keep them both from tumbling over, the bully stands on the crumbling edges of socially acceptable behavior and demands that the victim either jump or submit.
This assumes that social, professional or familial circumstances force the victim into relationship with the bully. Otherwise, the victim would simply disengage. It also assumes the victim’s world view and social skill level do not provide alternatives beyond submission or escalation.
Social scientists and psychologists have recently invented a new classification of bullying that reflects the above perspective on aggression. They call it relational aggression. Interpretations of current research attach the label of relational aggressor almost exclusively to women. However, I believe the label applies as well to men.
Socially and culturally, we vastly underestimate the type of aggressive behavior characterized as relational aggression because it has a more elusive and indirect outcome than the easily observed physical aggression normally associated with the behavior of men.
Relational aggression takes form as verbal threats and abuse. Relational bullies exercise their negative intent by directing hurtful statements to their victims and, of greater significance, talking about their victims to others.
This type of aggression uses the threat of social isolation to hurt the victim. The bully’s advantage resides in the value the victim places on belonging to a family, school, workplace or other group.
…
According to Dr. Nicki R. Crick, "Women are just as capable of being mean as men are. If you go back to the textbook definition of aggression, it’s the intent to hurt or do harm," notes Crick. "We’ve identified a form of aggression unique to females, what we call relational aggression, hurting others by propagating rumors, forming intrigues and socially isolating the victim. If you want to hurt someone and you want it to be effective, shouldn’t it involve something they really value?"
…
It all begins and ends with words. Bullies use words to create fear of loss and fear of injury. Bullies use words to persuade and coerce. Bullies use words to ally with some and isolate others. Bullies use words to hurt people.
Temper
My father and I are the silent, fuming types - we won’t really scream or yell like Mom or sister, but when we’re angry we’re cold, silent, and give off evil angry vibes. But my mom and my sister have famous tempers, and my later childhood is filled with memories of Mom and sister screaming at each other until I swear one of them would have a stroke.
Well, Mom has mellowed out a lot now that she’s reached her 60s and that there are no children in her house. My sister… not really. There is that story of my sister getting into a bar fight three days before Christmas Day. Before that I’m not sure how many fights my sister has had, I remember one time she fought off a neighborhood boy when she was little. Me? I was a doormat until I started martial arts, and then no one said anything to me. Sometimes I can still be a doormat; these times, I feel that it takes less energy to ignore stupid crap than to always fight about something.
But in the past few years, I’ve become increasingly less and less patient with big bullshit. It’s a trend I see now in my life, where I can deal (silently) with crap for awhile before finally I’ll hit my limit and give it all back. Before, I’d just deal silently with shit, forever. Not anymore. You can have your shit back, assholes, but threefold! The good thing is, it takes a good while for me to even lose my temper in the first place. The bad thing is, I’m kind of scared of my own temper once I hit my limit.
Phone Numbers
The big company I applied to? They called me back for an interview. And then I tried to call them back.
The thing is, all telephone numbers in Europe contain any number of digits. It’s not like in the States, where you have 3 digits for area code, 3 digits for the first part, and 4 digits for the second part. All numbers in the States have the format: (333) 333-3333. If someone gives you only 6 digits, you know something is wrong. If you are calling far away, you add a 1 to the whole thing. But here?
You can have 8?, 9, 10, or 11 (or another number) of digits. They are grouped differently, and instead of parentheses, they use a slash ("/"). I still don’t know what is the normal format for writing them. I’ve been writing my phone number as a long string of numbers, and I still don’t know my own phone number mainly because it has eleven digits and doesn’t have any similarities to any other phone number I recognize. If I figure out the rules for putting the digits into groups, and when to use the slash, then I’ll have an easier time. Plus, I have to add the country code to every phone number I call.
Perhaps I am calling this number at 5 PM, which is possibly after working hours, and it does not work at this time. In any case, I’ll try again tomorrow to see if I still can get an interview.
Weekend Update #37
There are no pictures from this weekend even though it was one of the most enjoyable weekends I’ve had in this country - stupid me forgot my memory card in my laptop and I carried the heavy camera to two different places but couldn’t take any pictures.
I wish I could’ve taken pictures of the beautiful views and sunset on the rock on Friday afternoon when J and I went climbing. This place is large and popular; on weekends it feels like a complete tourist place, like being in the middle of Stephansplatz. However, it is a lot better on weekday afternoons if Friday is a typical weekday. There were only two strangers near us, not 40 strangers. A big crowd in a climbing area makes me nervous for reasons such as: more possible falling stones, shouting, screaming, too much equipment laying around to trip on, crowded climbing, have to walk far away just to piss in the trees, can’t climb a route if someone else is on it the whole day, etc. (One Sunday as I was belaying J, a man next to me who had a helmet on leaned too far back and his helmet BONKED me on the head. This means: too many people!) But Friday was gorgeous; the weather really turned out nice.
Saturday was "work on the hut" day, where "hut" means "backyard shed". J had built this last year (because the old hut is old and falling apart) but this year had to move it because it turns out he (and his friends) built it too close to a neighbor. So a new foundation had to be dug and cemented, and I think a crane will come to move the structure onto this new foundation. All day Saturday was used to prepare for the crane to come, which meant for the men: digging, shoveling, pick-axing, cutting down a tree, unscrewing windows, carrying things, mixing cement, etc. I stood around and maybe twice I refilled the buckets with some water for the cement, that’s how useless I was. Maybe one or two times I also fetched something, or held something level. J’s mom cooked so I wasn’t needed for that. She even brought beer! But I wish I had my camera for the day, but alas, no memory card. Maybe on the day that the crane comes I won’t forget it.
On Sunday both J and his friend achieved redpoints at this climbing area near Hell Valley. (Congratulations!) The first time I went here it was stupidly cold, but this time, the sun came out a few times and it was like heaven. Unfortunately, this particular area is only open to be climbed until May 15, only one more month open!… because then it doesn’t open again until October! So I’m eager to visit this place a lot, and there is this route I am interested in, described as "fantastic, one of the best written in this book" (the Hell Valley climbing bible - a book full of topos for this region). With a description like that, how can I resist hanging on the rope, getting my hands on the rock?
I’m curious about so many different climbing sensations now: how does a level 6 route feel, or 7-, 7, 7+, 8-, even 8 (ridiculously hard for me - level 8 is for dreams); which level makes me sweat but is still in the range of leading/redpointing?; what is the atmosphere like in different areas?; what are the routes that I personally like?; when am I scared and when do I stop being scared?; what does my body feel like doing different things; what shape/kind/forms of rock do I like and how do I use my body with them?; why is a route fun for me? and all that stuff. I’ve noticed that I don’t care about routes where I’m not sweating; that being on flat rock (plate rock) intimidates me more than overhangs (and overhangs are a bitch, especially if you’re tired); that I would rather squeeze three fingers together into a small hole to hold myself rather than use a big, slippery, rounded shape (called a sloper). All these reasons probably mark me as a huge beginner, so I can’t wait until the day that I am comfortable with plate rocks and slopers. In general, it feels that I am making progress with this sport. I’m now doing climbing-related things 4-5 days per week, so I must love it, because if you love something, you really put in effort for it!
(And Mondays are always rest days for my muscles - it’s always my "Pain Day" - but "no pain, no gain" is the phrase - so I spend Mondays on the Internet, cleaning up, cooking, laundry, walking around, reading, writing, and/or working out my brain!)
Ruins
Yesterday was the most gorgeous weekday since forever. It was so warm that I could walk around with just a T-shirt on! with sun! so of course the place I visited was somewhere that I wanted to see close-up for awhile. And after looking at the ruins, I picked a really easy boulder to test out some shoes that a friend of J’s didn’t want, but unfortunately they were too small.
I’m hoping to have a relaxing, fun weekend… the weather is warmer than on other days, but next week it looks like it’ll get cold and rainy again. It seems like on each day that is bright, we try to squeeze out all the sunshine we can.
Demonstration
My first real demonstration that I was too chicken to involve myself in too much happened at high school. One precocious girl in my level decided to make condoms available to everyone by handing them out, on school property. Of course, she got in trouble in some sort of way because where and when I grew up, people voted for Bush and go to church and never had sex. In an atmosphere that believed that if you don’t see something means that it doesn’t happen, this girl handing out condoms to other teenagers was a big slap in the face to the conservative parents. I think she got suspended. After that, her friends made a big fuss. Eventually, the news people arrived because the whole school was in protest - anyone who wanted to skip class this day was found outside on the front lawn. Any teenager that cared about this issue of sex education was found on TV holding signs. Of course, if you skipped a class, even on this day, you got detention even if it was a special cause, a demonstration. I remember that I was such a good kid that I failed to skip class (I wasn’t the only one, other honor student nerds like me didn’t skip class either); however in this year I had enough free time scheduled in that I could spend some time outdoors with the rest of my classmates.
I forgot how it ended up at high school. I’m not sure if it did any good. Watching the news that night was interesting, it’s not often you see a bunch of your classmates on TV. (However, both mom and I have made it on the news one time each - mom was dancing at a Chinese Cultural event, and I was at a political rally that my school took me to). But maybe the new generations of teachers and students are more open-minded.
So I went to my first demonstration, in the way that I was physically there at the event but didn’t know all the details. Demonstrations in the US can be from 20 people to hundreds of thousands of people, and in San Francisco, protests and demonstrations are something you can at least once per year. After I easily found J, I settled in to watch. This one, in the city, was supposed to have tens of thousands attend, but when I showed up it felt more like 5,000 plus/minus 500 curious people.
And it was neatly contained in one square, surrounded on all sides by police cars. Surprisingly, people were well-behaved. No one went outside of the police lines! There were huge signs, but the signs were pointed at the stage. And whomever was on the stage - from the demonstration leader to various professors - were supporting the point of the demonstration. Which was strange, because for me, the purpose of a demonstration was to point the signs, talks, and brochures towards the general public, NOT at the people who already supported your cause. I noticed that this demonstration wasn’t given at a really big public place, like Stephensdom, where a lot of the public can be reached. And it was held after work hours, when most people were already home and not wandering around outside. (The protests I see in the States are held all day long, and if serious enough, the people will camp at that location until their demands are acknowledged).
Of course there were chants - what protest doesn’t have a chant? There was also a somewhat funny crowd-directed booing and hissing towards the chancellor’s offices, to the right, which would have been more effective if it were 13:00 (when the chancellor is working) rather than 20:00 (when most likely he is off work). Two guys behind me actually spat out "Phooey!" a few times, which, in English, is what an innocent child says when they spill milk (a not-so-innocent child would say "Fuck!"). I couldn’t help laughing, because "Phooey!" is the last thing I would think to hear at a protest.
What I did like was that there were professors who talked, people who knew a little something about the issues. I don’t know how many professors or researchers get invited to talk at protests in the US, but it seems: not much. However, my gross general understanding of this protest was that the public wanted a vote on whether the Austrian government would sign a contract with the EU. I guess sometimes the people don’t get to vote on some things, but for some reason on this issue, people felt that a certain aspect of law would be changed and for this to be changed, the law states that the populace needs to be given voting rights on this change. They’re not, so hence, the protest. Political systems can also be cultural, as people who grew up here and pay attention know the details intimately. Whereas I have little clue how laws are made and by whom, how they are fought over and passed.
One thing I just don’t understand AT ALL: the man carrying the three roses. In the US, roses have a romantic appeal, it’s what boyfriends and girlfriends (or hopeful bf’s or gf’s) give to each other. However, this one guy was at the protest holding up three roses at the stage, and I’m sure that he has no romantic feelings towards the people on the stage. What do three roses mean? Is it like the Italian "kiss of death"? Does it mean "I support you"? So this is a complete mystery to me. No one else thought it was strange.
Other than that, the people who showed up at this protest could be people from any city. From the well-dressed older couples to young self-described revolutionaries to teenagers to men who looked drunk, insane, and homeless to older single women who are "passionate about the cause" and probably own at least 3 cats if not ten, the crowd could have been from San Francisco. A Deutsch-speaking San Francisco.
I Don’t Talk Politics
After the past few weeks of going to the city, meeting different people every week, going out at night to bars (I love it here because you don’t necessarily have to drink a full BEER to drink with people, you can drink an apple juice which looks like beer!), this ambivert is enjoying some alone, quiet time at home with books, some sun, and computer. Sometimes I have to be alone with my thoughts, myself, so that I can have energy again to be with other people, speaking my bad Deutsch.
Sometimes I think about what I want to write about on this blog, whether it will be safe to write about or go over whatever strange boundaries I have. But I’ve noticed that I always tend to skip some major subjects, like:
Politics. I have never been in a political discussion where answers were found, instead, politics as a subject seem more to me an excuse to complain about what’s wrong instead of talking about what can be made right. It feels like a stomping ground for endless complaints, and halfway through I’m eager to offer some solutions, any solutions, just stop complaining! My brain is the type that likes to analyze a situation, come up with possible answers, and implement the answers. However, with politics comes history and with history comes people who made the history and one can go further back to talk about every single thing under the sun… In general, I doubt that a single group of humans can possibly come up with one solution that fits the context of all humans on this planet.
But from what I’ve learned so far from history, from life: what you give out is what you get back. If you give out misery, war, poverty, etc., there is a large chance that all of that will come back to you at a later time. Whether you are a country or a single person, karma is a bitch. When I look at history, I see cycles repeating over and over. Me, I’m more interested in breaking these cycles themselves, the cycles of hate, of power, of complaints. Politics always talks as if it’s about the other person, but I like to think of it as: what kind of system could I live in? What kind of solution do I have that I, also, can live with? Do I live like my politics now, or am I just talking air?
So when people here ask me about the politics in the States, I say that I am Independent, that I’m watching from a distance. Because I am at a distance. My whole life, I have been within the system, and now for the first time I am capable of seeing things from outside (or as outside as one can get, even with the long-arm influence of the States in Europe). I do think now is the most interesting political times in the US, but at this moment I’m not interested in participating in it. Anyway, that’s the last I talk politics on here (although I do think about politics once in a while).
On a completely different note, last night I came across 30 Error Messages You Never Want to See. I actually laughed out loud. #28 is my favorite.